he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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