i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
