Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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