My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
