I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
