Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
