i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
