I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
