Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
