she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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