you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm like, not good at living.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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