i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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