i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
