Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
