I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Found the puke drawer
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
