you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize