RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
