I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
