I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize