HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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