Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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