Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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