We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
