party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
