New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
