The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
