i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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