she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
