@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
