Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
