i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
