Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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