i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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