Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
