I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Barsexuality is the new black.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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