will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
