i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
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