that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
