I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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