He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
