I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
