"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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