I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
