Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
