It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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