I can text with my tongue
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i will never coherently bang her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
