Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
