Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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