is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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