I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
