dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
