...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
