I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
