I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
