I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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