I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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