i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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