The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
