he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
