You're my little dorito
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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