im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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