i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
