Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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