If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
