My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
