That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
