We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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