he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
