You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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