I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Mom said you looked used
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
