why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
